Not Until Your Ready
"Help, I can't get down!" Sheldon whimpered. Just then a blurry figure zoomed by and hurdled up the playground.
"I'm here to help." Fly Guy exclaimed. He picked up Sheldon and flew off the playground.
"Thanks Fly Guy!" Sheldon said grinning. Fly Guy bent down and said,
"Next time don't go on the big kid slide, at least not until your ready."
"I won't, I'll wait until I'm older." Sheldon nodded. Fly Guy smiled and said good-bye.
"One more thing," Sheldon smirked, "say hi to Super Man if you can."
"Definitely." Fly Guy said soaring off into the blue sky.
I like your different ways he said instead of actually saying he said it makes your story more interesting. maybe add some more descriptive language in other parts of your writing
ReplyDeleteI need a way to not say "Fly Guy" and "Sheldon" so much, so if you have any way to help, I'm all ears!
ReplyDeleteSee if you can make the beginnings of your sentences stronger. Awesome story with a good message.
ReplyDeleteI agree with soccerlover. Maybe make the beginnings of your sentences stronger. Overall good job!
ReplyDeleteWith some of your "your"s, they should be you're because your is a possesive, while you're is a contraction of you and are. I enjoyed reading your story!
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your story this week. You have been really working on your punctuation when there is dialogue. I also notice that you really are able to pull out the emotions and characteristics of the character by saying whimpered, smirked, and grinning instead of just saying said. Well done.
ReplyDelete