New Yorkers
Weaving through busy, yellow taxi's in NYC, I notice a bunch of people waiting outside of Macy's. Noticing a big neon sign, I read, " Whole store seventy five percent off, only until 10am!"
I walk over, and as I join the queue, a woman came to the door to open it and everyone started stampeding forward.
Once everyone had gone inside, the employee had come over and laughed, "New Yorkers!"
Both smiling we walked into the insanely crazy store. Grasping the handle of the basket I manage to find everything I need and head back out to the busy streets.
Its a very creative story! though in the middle paragraph it gets a little bit hard to read. In your story it says, I walk over and as I join the queue, I think you need a comma after over, and I think you could get rid of the and. :)
ReplyDeleteGood job I lover your story I agree with Puga Chan you also might want to put a comma I your last sentences. Also if you have any bumps in your story you might want to mumble read it.
ReplyDeleteI kind of got the story, but half of the story I read, I didn`t even know what you were talking about. But I like how you used the word ``stampeding`` in your story. But maybe more powerful words would be GREAT!
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