Golden Sneakers
At last, the day I get to go to Manhattan to buy the fabulous pair of golden sneakers. I'd been saving for six weeks to reach a jaw dropping 500 dollars. As I pull up in front of the store, I could practically see myself tying up the bright green laces. The door opened and there it was, the last box of golden sneakers. I felt like they had been made just for me, as they were just my size. "Finally!" I thought, only a few feet away from the glorious sneakers. It was all going as planned until that man dropped his drink on my shoes.
Great story! You might want to see if you can find stronger sentence starters. Also, the end of you story is a little dull you could see if you could make it stronger.
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ReplyDeleteYou used descriptive language and varied vocabulary very well it really added your story and made me as a reader feel very involved- those sneakers sound amazing!
There was a lot of detail in 100 words and your style of writing was very fast-paced and engaging.
Well done!
Emily, Team100WC, Sheffield, UK
A very original idea for this weeks creative story. A challenge for you in the future is to have a story with a big idea or message, something that makes the reader pause and think. This might mean writing more than 100 words but then revising it down to 100 words. An example might be some of the picture books we read with important messages for the readers to take away.
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