"I'm so excited Lizzy!"Grinning as we landed at LAX airport. We were finally home after leaving the nest five years ago. My family was waiting at the gate. Descending down the escalator I see my sister jumping with joy. Looking at Lizzy, she was shocked to see that her family hadn't come. Putting my arm around her, we walk over. Although Lizzy was disappointed, she was excited to see my family, she spends so much time with us, she's practically family!
"Lets go to Jimmy Jives!" My sister suggested. Glancing at Lizzy a smile broke out, that was our favourite place to go.
Wow it's something I never would have thought of! I liked how you used the prompt in your story, it adds a twist,I might be reading this wrong, but you said leaving the "nests" now I am confuzzed are you talking about birds, or is "nest" just an expression?
ReplyDeleteI love your story also, but you might want to change the beginning of your sentences because they are mostly 1, 2, 3 letter words. Great job though.
ReplyDeleteI think your story is really creative but and I like the twist in your story. But just what Puga Chan had said I was a little confused when you said you left the nest. Was your story in a bird's point of view or was 'nest' just another word you used for home. You might also want to say who was talking on your first speaking line in the beginning. Great story though!
ReplyDeleteI was really confused with the story. I did like the creative twist you put in it though. Good Job.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on carefully editing your story for punctuation and grammar. I can tell you took your time at this. Remember not to over use exclamation marks as you have many that are not needed. You have many shorter sentences that break up the flow of your story. I wonder how you can still tell your story but work on creating more complex sentences.
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