Safari Picture
Landing in Africa after a horrendous flight felt amazing, but I was most excited for my first safari
• • •
The jeep pulls up to a safe place where I can get out. I can't see any animals, but suddenly a ferocious male lion jumps on to a large rock. Marko, my tour guide, tells me to get back into the jeep. Right before we drive away, I snap a picture on my polaroid to remember this moment.
On the way back from the safari the guide told me I was lucky because lions don't normally come that close. I am truly lucky!
Your first sentence is a bit confusing I think you need a comma or and or after flight. Also, your last sentence is confusing I think you meant 'lucky' not 'luckyl'.
ReplyDeleteYour storys good but you need to remember your punctuation most of it you remember but their are some periods you forgot.
ReplyDeleteGood story but when you end your first part of the story their needs to be a period. There is lots of I's in your story you might want to make it better by using other words.
ReplyDeleteYour story is really good. But, in the first sentence you could put a comma after "flight", and a period after "amazing", and a comma after "but" so that it's like "landing in Africa after a horrendous flight, (comma) felt amazing.(period)But,(comma) I was most excited for my first safari." And also, in the first sentence you put a lower case "I" so you can change that. And, in your story when you say that a "male lion" came, I don't think you need to say male lion. Also in your last sentence of the story, I think you should put a comma after "lucky", and a comma after "close" so that the sentence is like "...the tour guide told me I was truly lucky, (comma) because lions don't normally come that close,(comma) I am truly lucky." But also, my question is that: what do you mean you were lucky, because lions don't come that CLOSE?
ReplyDeleteThe end of my last sentence is an exclamation mark.
ReplyDelete